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Heroic Distillery Dog

A man is in a serious condition in hospital this morning, after a toilet paper heist went wrong at Belgrove Distillery in Tasmania overnight.

Emergency services were called to Kempton around 11.38pm, where the man met paramedics on the Midlands Highway. Paramedics report that the man had suffered from shock when a distillery owner's dog bailed up him up with a roll of toilet paper under his arm. They treated the suspect briefly at the scene, before rushing him to Hobart Hospital for further treatment.

He’s believed to be in a serious but stable condition. Police are yet to confirm whether they’re investigating the incident or not.

The suspect was stopped in his tracks by the distillery’s very own guard dog ‘Boomer’ after trying to sneak out of the distillery with a roll of toilet paper from the cellar door bathroom. Owner and head distiller Peter Bignell told reporters “This isn’t the first time this has happened since the Corona virus scare. With a national toilet paper shortage, people will do anything to steal a dunny roll that I have made myself from left over rye mash.”

“It’s really disappointing that someone would choose to steal a roll of toilet paper over a bottle of rye whisky. What is this world coming to?” said Kathleen Davies from Nip of Courage the mainland distributor for Belgrove Distillery.

Bignell has decided not to press any charges. For details on how to panic buy Belgrove Rye Whisky or toilet paper made from rye mash go to


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